May. 1st, 2011

Life continues to be more interesting than I want, and consistently painful. I really don't like who I am these days, especially as I see some thing that needs to be done in the near future, that I desperately don't want to do or feel able to do, but feel like I must. The kicker is, that I can't even vent about it without feeling worse - too many of my friends would be able to do it and wouldn't understand my fear. As it is, a number of the things which are overwhelming me just now get a reaction from friends/family of (essentially) "It's not that big a deal, get over it).

With Greg, this might be possible. Scary still, but possible. Now, I guess things are still possible, but so overwhelming I get physically ill. I really don't know how to keep this up anymore. Daily my will to be here fades more and more. I didn't think I could want to be with Greg any more than I did before, but it's worse now than ever.

As usual, no choices. Or rather, it feels like there are no choices.

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thekyttn

October 2015

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