My head aches, I can't find my glasses, I was supposed to go to work early today, but didn't hear Faeryn get up and slept through my first alarm. I don't want to go to work, but if I don't, then people don't get their paychecks. Snuggles is mewing non-stop because I won't let him have the belt to my robe while I'm wearing the robe, and I'm so very tired. It is pouring rain, dark and miserable, and I can't find it in me to do another upbeat post. Oh, and I have to work both jobs today. I guess at least that means I won't be alone for most of the day, which may be a good thing.

So very tired of living.

Time to go to work.
I realize that once I am more in control emotionally, I have to find another job. I went to sleep dreading the upcoming week, and woke too early and with a great deal of back and shoulder pain. My head has already started hurting, and except for Saturday, it wasn't that awful most of the time, certainly nothing more than I'm used to handling. I'm already at the point where I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get home if it escalates much more.


Well, I better get on my way, much as I dread it. I'm also going for a goal of cutting my stops at fast food places in half this week. (I go far too often, usually for sweet tea at McDonalds, but far too often getting something else as well or somewhere else). I've packed lunch for today with left-overs from the baby shower and it should be cold enough that hot tea is welcome, which is where my caffiene will come from.
Today will be my first official day at the new job.

All I can do is weep because he's not here to talk to about it, to hug me before I go, to come home to and tell all about it.

I don't want to make this step without him. I have no choice, but today is being much more difficult than I expected it to be.

It still feels like a nightmare.
It has been a very long week, made a lot more bearable by a visit from C, my sister-in-law. She was bringing her younger son to MD and decided of would be useful to come further south and take care of me a bit. C is one of very few people I am always glad to have over, who I am completely comfortable with and who I don't feel the need to put on a show for.

Hmmm, head is worse than I thought (bending to put books away caused major dizziness and spike in pain), so this will be shorter than planned.

Carol helped me do the one thing I've been dreading most- going back to the townhouse. It was hard, but not as hard as if I had gone alone and not quite as hard as I expected. I got slightly distracted by the differences in the house. The kitchen had particular problems as the upper cabinets were so high that I could barely reach the door handles. C has the gumption to tell the contractor to fix the issue, which I was not able to do. I am a little unhappy with a number of things but cannot say much as I opted to not deal with the house as much as possible.

We also pulled together paperwork for the mortgage company and attorney and got some thank you notes written, which was incredibly hard. Re-reading the cards and being unable to escape the reason for the cards and gifts was very hard and I finally fell apart a little.

Earlier in the week I did interview for the FT position at the City, and thursday I did get the job. Will have to post later about the job; my brain wants to stop now.



October 2015

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