Apr. 5th, 2008

Thank you so much to everyone who sent good thoughts and kind emails, and to the anonymous person who sent me the vgift of a bear hug!

Today was not an awful day. I missed my love terribly, of course, but I had a pleasant lunch with friends/former co-workers, enjoyed driving around with Faeryn to look at houses/figure out where the neighborhood is that I have been considering and then had a nice dinner with my children and my parents (even though they got the wait-staff to come and sing Happy Birthday, which I usually dislike, and really really didn't want today). We got a lovely card in the mail which gave Faeryn a giggle because it was addressed to the two of us at "the Glitter House". I received a number of lovely gifts, including daffodils from my grandmother's garden, daffodils and hyacinths from a friends garden, a willow-wood angel, bird feeders and suet, and Faeryn even spent a little time with me looking at beads that came in from eBay before she went out for the night. I ran to the store and bought a soft-sided tackle box and some containers for sorting the beads and spent an hour playing with sparkly things. Marci, I wish you were closer - you'd have fun going through all of these with me, I got some GORGEOUS stuff (along with some utter junk).

I've managed not to fall apart too often today, and as I told Faeryn, a great deal of today's celebration was for the sake of other people. I don't really care about my birthday anymore, but it made a lot of people feel good to be able to celebrate it, so we did. It made it a little easier for me to make it through the day when I put it in that perspective too.

I am glad the day is over, grateful for all the love and support I received and hopefully ready to sleep for a bit. I'm off from work this weekend, though I am babysitting for a couple of hours tomorrow afternoon. I hope to put together pictures in at least one of the collage frames I have, box up some books, and put together at least one necklace. I also hope to package up some of the items I've pulled together to give people and actually get them in the mail, and to get at least a few more thank-you cards sent. I've been going through them slowly, and I've got at least another 400 to send. Greg would have been so very amazed at how many people have helped us.

Hug your significant other for me tonight, tell him or her how wonderful zie is, and kiss your children if you have any, human or animal. I'm holding Greg's sweater close and remembering what it feels like to be held by someone who thinks I am the most wonderful person in the world, and desperately trying to look at the future with a little less negativity.
I feel very isolated from friends and family. Not because people are not making it clear that they care - I'm hearing from many people who are letting me know I'm loved and thought of. It is just that everyone lives so very far away, and there is simply no option to go to someone's house and hang out for an hour, or to have someone come over here when I'm feeling particularly alone. Of course, the reality is that if I lived within 10 minutes of a dozen friends, I'd probably still not be doing anything differently just because I wouldn't want to invite myself over or to inflict my depression on anyone. Still, if my children weren't firmly entrenched here in Charlottesville, I'd be seriously considering moving somewhere further north.

I just wish someone would hurry up and invent a teleporter.

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thekyttn

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