(no subject)

[thekyttn]

Life continues to be more interesting than I want, and consistently painful. I really don't like who I am these days, especially as I see some thing that needs to be done in the near future, that I desperately don't want to do or feel able to do, but feel like I must. The kicker is, that I can't even vent about it without feeling worse - too many of my friends would be able to do it and wouldn't understand my fear. As it is, a number of the things which are overwhelming me just now get a reaction from friends/family of (essentially) "It's not that big a deal, get over it).

With Greg, this might be possible. Scary still, but possible. Now, I guess things are still possible, but so overwhelming I get physically ill. I really don't know how to keep this up anymore. Daily my will to be here fades more and more. I didn't think I could want to be with Greg any more than I did before, but it's worse now than ever.

As usual, no choices. Or rather, it feels like there are no choices.

Comments

[rms-butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm so sorry that life is hard for you. I can't say I understand what you're going through, but I do care. And I'm thinking about you.

[peteralway.livejournal.com]

I'm rooting for things to stop getting worse and start getting better. And I wish you the strength to do the impossible that "everyone else" might find easy (I've got a litany of my own impossible things that everyone else finds easy that I'm too embarrassed to mention). Looking forward to stealing a hug at Contata!

[watericgun.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to know that you popped into my head today. I hope that the good days are outnumbering the bad.

[kyttn.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I won't say there are many good days - but I'm holding my own more often than not again. Thank you so very much for letting me know you were thinking of me - it makes the world feel a little less empty.

[watericgun.livejournal.com]

It's definitely not empty. I realize I'm a bit of a stranger but *hugs* to you. I'm hoping your children and grandson are keeping you surrounded with love and comfort this holiday season.