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Apr. 19th, 2008 09:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thekyttnI'm not coping this morning.
I'm tired, incredibly tired (possibly from having had Phenergan last night (I'm still having issues with nausea, MD appt next week)) and the cats haven't given me more than an hour's peace all night. One or the other was crawling on me, attacking my feet, chewing my hair, complaining loudly about one thing or another. I got up and fed them earlier, which bought me a whole 15 minutes alone, before they came again to demand attention (which is fine if I'm not exhausted), or cry about one thing or another. Faeryn is home and sleeping still, but they won't go bother her. THey've carefully cleaned off most surfaces in my room, knocking down whatever they can. Not all of it is on purpose, this is just the most graceless pair of cats I've ever had. I love them dearly, but I'm getting to the point where I'm going to get up and leave the house for a while just so I can have some peace. It may be easier to get sleep in my car than in my bed today.
There is a local bead and gem show this weekend. Greg and I went to it last year, and I can't cope with the idea of going alone. I've been thinking all week of going, but each time I decide I'm going, a flood of memories overwhelms me and I can't function.
I like Charlottesville, I want to remain living here. I love the area, I like being near my kids, I like being in familiar surroundings. I haven't visited any place in the last 20 years that appealed to me as much as here. And yet some days I feel so very isolated. I have one local friend I am comfortable reaching out to, and right now she's got so much on her plate, I can't reach out to her (her son has been sick for several weeks, and so far the cause is unidentifiable) to help me, when I call, I need to be supporting her, which I do. I just end up feeling more alone when I'm done.
Moving to PA isn't really an option for me right now. Here I have work, there I'd have to start searching again. I love the fact that right now, where ever in my area I choose to live, there are grocery stores within 5-7 miles. There is family there, and some of Greg's friends, and those are positives, but it is an unfamiliar place, everything seems so far apart, and my primary memories there are of doing things with Greg and Dad.
Moving to Boston has similar memory issues. I do have friends there that are as much my friends as Greg's, which is good. Job concerns are still an issue and since I know of at least one person with similar but much better qualifications/skills than I have who is having a hard time finding a job, I really don't think I'd be able to find work. I also detest living in cities. I've spent some time in the Boston area on my own, and while I don't object to using public transit (I used to use it here, and probably will again, here, in the near future), the sheer masses of people are intimidating to me. Driving is only partially an option - I don't cope well with the type of traffic you have in Boston or NY and again, everything is so very far apart.
I seem to have a choice between liking where I live, or being happy about who I live close to.
So very majorly depressed today. No, I am not taking any meds at the moment. I ended up going off my meds when I couldn't keep them down for several days in a row. Will be discussing that with the MD on Tuesday. Since I'm still having nausea problems, it was decided that I should go ahead and stay off of everything until I see him, so we can talk about some alternatives as the medication given to me didn't seem to be doing much anyway.
Oh, with regards to Hope House: My original bid was rejected, and I had decided to up it a bit, knowing I will have to find a lender. That should be interesting *sigh*. Then we got told there were multiple offers, had to sign a form regarding multiple offers, and I withdrew the bid because I had heard about another house, that I could pay cash for, that was available just 7 miles further out. We went and saw that house yesterday, and it was awful. Hard to tell what the possibilities were because it was so cluttered, rugs were stained, billy-bass fish were on half the walls; there was even a mattress in the dining room, and the whole place reeked of smoke. We saw another house another mile closer, but asking the same for that one that my parents want for this one. The place is lovely, but there are some questions about whether it is in a homeowner's association and there is a huge barn on the property that needs a lot of work. The owner does smoke inside the house (I could see ashtrays all over), but I would not have known if I hadn't seen them. He will consider owner financing. I'm still trying to figure out if there is any way I can afford to stay where I am, though I do have reservations about buying from my parents. I've approached them about some of the issues in this house that need fixing, asked about owner financing, explained my financial situation, and asked about lowering the price by another 5K. We'll see what they say. After looking at the horrible property and the too expensive property yesterday, I reinstated my bid for Hope House. The other buyers had made an offer, the bank made a counter offer, and I probably won't hear anything for several days. I decided it was worth the chance, even though it is a much smaller house than where I am now, or the place with the barn, because I really really like it. We'll see. If it is the right house for us, I expect Greg and Dad will pull some strings and it will work out.
Time for a shower and maybe to go into the basement to see if I can get a nap on the couch down there.
Edit: Faeryn took a shower, and both kitties went with her, so I got a little peace and quiet.
I'm tired, incredibly tired (possibly from having had Phenergan last night (I'm still having issues with nausea, MD appt next week)) and the cats haven't given me more than an hour's peace all night. One or the other was crawling on me, attacking my feet, chewing my hair, complaining loudly about one thing or another. I got up and fed them earlier, which bought me a whole 15 minutes alone, before they came again to demand attention (which is fine if I'm not exhausted), or cry about one thing or another. Faeryn is home and sleeping still, but they won't go bother her. THey've carefully cleaned off most surfaces in my room, knocking down whatever they can. Not all of it is on purpose, this is just the most graceless pair of cats I've ever had. I love them dearly, but I'm getting to the point where I'm going to get up and leave the house for a while just so I can have some peace. It may be easier to get sleep in my car than in my bed today.
There is a local bead and gem show this weekend. Greg and I went to it last year, and I can't cope with the idea of going alone. I've been thinking all week of going, but each time I decide I'm going, a flood of memories overwhelms me and I can't function.
I like Charlottesville, I want to remain living here. I love the area, I like being near my kids, I like being in familiar surroundings. I haven't visited any place in the last 20 years that appealed to me as much as here. And yet some days I feel so very isolated. I have one local friend I am comfortable reaching out to, and right now she's got so much on her plate, I can't reach out to her (her son has been sick for several weeks, and so far the cause is unidentifiable) to help me, when I call, I need to be supporting her, which I do. I just end up feeling more alone when I'm done.
Moving to PA isn't really an option for me right now. Here I have work, there I'd have to start searching again. I love the fact that right now, where ever in my area I choose to live, there are grocery stores within 5-7 miles. There is family there, and some of Greg's friends, and those are positives, but it is an unfamiliar place, everything seems so far apart, and my primary memories there are of doing things with Greg and Dad.
Moving to Boston has similar memory issues. I do have friends there that are as much my friends as Greg's, which is good. Job concerns are still an issue and since I know of at least one person with similar but much better qualifications/skills than I have who is having a hard time finding a job, I really don't think I'd be able to find work. I also detest living in cities. I've spent some time in the Boston area on my own, and while I don't object to using public transit (I used to use it here, and probably will again, here, in the near future), the sheer masses of people are intimidating to me. Driving is only partially an option - I don't cope well with the type of traffic you have in Boston or NY and again, everything is so very far apart.
I seem to have a choice between liking where I live, or being happy about who I live close to.
So very majorly depressed today. No, I am not taking any meds at the moment. I ended up going off my meds when I couldn't keep them down for several days in a row. Will be discussing that with the MD on Tuesday. Since I'm still having nausea problems, it was decided that I should go ahead and stay off of everything until I see him, so we can talk about some alternatives as the medication given to me didn't seem to be doing much anyway.
Oh, with regards to Hope House: My original bid was rejected, and I had decided to up it a bit, knowing I will have to find a lender. That should be interesting *sigh*. Then we got told there were multiple offers, had to sign a form regarding multiple offers, and I withdrew the bid because I had heard about another house, that I could pay cash for, that was available just 7 miles further out. We went and saw that house yesterday, and it was awful. Hard to tell what the possibilities were because it was so cluttered, rugs were stained, billy-bass fish were on half the walls; there was even a mattress in the dining room, and the whole place reeked of smoke. We saw another house another mile closer, but asking the same for that one that my parents want for this one. The place is lovely, but there are some questions about whether it is in a homeowner's association and there is a huge barn on the property that needs a lot of work. The owner does smoke inside the house (I could see ashtrays all over), but I would not have known if I hadn't seen them. He will consider owner financing. I'm still trying to figure out if there is any way I can afford to stay where I am, though I do have reservations about buying from my parents. I've approached them about some of the issues in this house that need fixing, asked about owner financing, explained my financial situation, and asked about lowering the price by another 5K. We'll see what they say. After looking at the horrible property and the too expensive property yesterday, I reinstated my bid for Hope House. The other buyers had made an offer, the bank made a counter offer, and I probably won't hear anything for several days. I decided it was worth the chance, even though it is a much smaller house than where I am now, or the place with the barn, because I really really like it. We'll see. If it is the right house for us, I expect Greg and Dad will pull some strings and it will work out.
Time for a shower and maybe to go into the basement to see if I can get a nap on the couch down there.
Edit: Faeryn took a shower, and both kitties went with her, so I got a little peace and quiet.
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no subject
Date: 2008-04-20 11:04 am (UTC)Rinse. Lather. Repeat.
This is hard stuff, hon. And it's only been 3 months- it takes *lots* of time. *hughug* We understand.
Still here, still reading. (ok, commenting not quite so much... but wanted you to know we're still here and caring).
no subject
Date: 2008-04-21 01:53 am (UTC)It doesn't feel like it has already been 3 months.
Thanks for listening to the constant whining.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2008-04-21 01:50 pm (UTC)Thanks for calling last night and making me wonder what you're up to. Our daughter is very curious about what Auntie might be doing....and so is Mom. Just thinking about the possible mischief you might be sending my daughter makes me giggle. She and Dad are home today--only poor Mommy had to go out to work. Sigh.
Love you!
no subject
Date: 2008-04-22 04:10 am (UTC)